So today I am compelled, by the Holy Spirit, to tell you all my testimony. I want everyone to know that I am not talking to you every day about something or rather someone I do not know. I myself know all about depression, low self-esteem, anxieties and the like. I also know the feeling that there is no way there's a God that I can't see or touch Who would, or could save a worthless person like me.......But God.
As a child, or at least about the time I was seven, I began to realize that there was something different about me. You see, I was born with a deformity which my grade school cohorts was all so happy to point out. However, this was not my only difference. I also had a deep conviction about me being a foreigner in this world, to which I attributed to my melancholy.....But God.
Throughout my whole grade school experience, and into high school, I was always told by my dad, because of my difference, to 'keep your head up; you're different.' However, besides my birth defect, he never really explained to me how I was different. Now that I think about it, I don't believe that he could quite figure it out himself. Sadly, after all of the teasing, bullying, name calling, and abuse that I went through in school, because of my deformity, it would also take me practically all my life to realize what my difference was......But God..
By now I am depressed about the lack of sympathy, empathy, or care among my peers, or anyone for that matter. I learned very early in life, about 16 years of age, how to cope which was to drown my sorrows through drugs, alcohol, and men to which I had no preference in any. I began to abuse myself, my family, and anyone I came in contact with......But God
Even When I made my bed in Hell
I had just about thrown in the towel, when God stepped in. I was in a dead sleep when God called my name. I was so afraid, because of how I was living, that I ran. My thought was, why would God come to see about me when I was undecided about whether or not I would serve Him or the devil? You see, I would seek Him occasionally because, I thought, I was straddling the fence. But there is no fence with God. "If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there (Psalm 139:8). How could I face Him.....But God.
God Answers Prayers that You Cannot Utter
All of the time I spent drowning in my sorrows, and trying to destroy myself, God was listening to my prayers. They were the ones deep down inside of me. God answered the prayers of, even, a person like me. He told me, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). And he that search the hearts know what is the mind of the Spirit, because he make intercession for the saints according to the will of God (Romans 8:27). I never knew my worth. I had been in a downward spiral for 10+ years. I didn't know what TV shows were playing, who the presidents was, or who's home I would wake up in. I prayed for God to help me, but then I'd say to myself 'this is impossible.' Jesus said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible (Mathew 19:26). I doubted everything......But God......But God.
Now I Know
Now I know why I went through all of the things that I did. It was because God had a Plan for my life. He wanted to use me in a mighty way. He wants to use you, also, in a mighty way. You see there is book knowledge, and there is first hand experience. Through my experiences, I learned that I had a purpose. I learned what my gift was; to know and understand. To teach others going through the same things that I did that God can, and He will, deliver them too. I know, and understand the depths, heights, and the widths that addiction, depression, anxiety, melancholy, and the like, can take you. I also know that there is nothing, absolutely nothing that God cannot deliver man from. I understand......But God , He knows better.
By The Way
My difference was Gods's way to manifest His Works in me. It is actually a blessing to be different. I was born with seven fingers, which I no longer look at as a defect, or deformity. Turns out that the number seven (7) is a biblical number. In fact, it is the number of complete perfection, that is God's foundation in is creation of all things. Absolute profection in God's Word
God Loves You
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16). I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you( John 14:18).
Stay Encouraged in Knowing that We are all Equally Different; God has a Purpose for You, He Will Deliver You, and Use You Mightily.
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